holding the king n ace of spades

had a so-so time last weekend
went to cafe del mar on sat nyt...nice plc but to quite boring otherwise
juz sat ard n talked..the music's not my kinda music
got hungry n sleepy n finally left by 130 am.

haf u eva had the feeling of pure bliss only to be woken up wif a hard slap of reality? i had one of those recently. i had a great time, feelin wonderful, havin the time of my life, but it was only a straight flush when the other side has a royal flush. so wen the cards were shown i was left to rue my luck. n i tell it's no fun. wen ur heart drops all the way to the floor, plus u urself stepping on it, it's no joke. ur whole body juz feels like curling up n hiding under a stone for the rest of ur life.

it's no one's fault but my own. tt's the shitty part. cant push the blame to someone else.

went to lepak last nyt wif my best fren. we got to talkin how our lives had changed over the years n where we'll c ourselves in 10 yrs time. conclusion, we've gotten nowhere. for me, i dunno wat i was too caught up wif in the past that i'm like dis now. i'm turnin 30 soon n for most ppl, life stability should be a given now. yet i'm struggling day to day. i haf no talent to show for. i'm tone deaf so playin music is out of the question. i cant sing for nuts. hmm, mebe for nuts can la..sing to the monkeys n they'll throw me nuts. i cant play any musical instrument. i dun even noe wat i'm good at. if only i'd been more focused in a certain area in the past years from when i was young i myt haf made somthin of myself. mebe a national takraw player. mebe i'd gotten my honours n be in a highly respected engineering post. mebe i'd gotten married n had 3 kids by now. mebe i'd gotten my own house n car..mebe mebe mebe..there's this saying tt goes ard "those who cant do, teach"

ppl say there's always a reason for sumthin happening. i've yet to find the reason for my life. theres juz so many whys ryt now. mebe it's juz my human nature showin itself now. not contented wif the way things are. always wanting more. y more? mebe it's bcoz things r not turning out the way i picture them to b. well, ppl tell me it's no use cryin over spilt milk, juz go milk some more cows but the cows in my ranch r not wat i wan...well mebe some of them r.

these analogy may only mean anythin to some ppl. 9 spades da tutup, tgk camne la eh.