mixed

finally made my final clean up of my work desk for the year. sorted out all the papers, putting up the shelves in the metal cupboard, minor spring cleaning one might put it. still got some work to be done tho n i've brought them home. got two days to do it before i "disappear".

there has been something that i've been wanting to do since feb but neva got ard to it. opportunities had presented themselves but somehow i manage to chicken myself out of it. due to a particular big reason tho.

been speculating abt this for months n i've taken the easy way out. contenting myself wif current situations not giving much thot to wat lies ahead. unsure whether this strategy of taking each day at a time is goin to be worth it as time passes but wat else can i do. been looking for signs to make me decide either way but none haf been forthcoming so far. all i know is that i've been torn by it for some time now. well, maybe this break that i've lined myself up for can provide me wif some answers if not take away my mind of things.

the dilemma: one is full of comfort. nice feelings all around. makes me feel important. but it doesnt invoke the passion i noe i m capable of. the other spells out exactly wat i am. it seems so wrong but right at the same time. exudes a sense of calm yet butterflies still flutter so vehemently. so sure yet unsure.